The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
