Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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