But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
