So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
