ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
