How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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