You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize