i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
