Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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