Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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