We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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