sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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