I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
