She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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