So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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