She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
