A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
