i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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