Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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