There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
