there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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