Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
