K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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