he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
