I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you didnt know i had herpes?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
