It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
