I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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