Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
