I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
