I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
