Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
