Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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