I accidentally burped into my bong.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
