i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize