I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize