Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
