Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
