Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize