singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You may now shotgun with the bride
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
