I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
