I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
