the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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