I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
