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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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