WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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