She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
