make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
