I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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