just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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