i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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