I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
