I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
