please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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