hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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