we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
