its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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