At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
