I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
well you can't waste a boner
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
