Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
