I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
