Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
