Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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