Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
