I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
