i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
