Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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