Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
