escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
