We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
