i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
