idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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