sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
