you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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