I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
pray to the hookup gods
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize