Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
