Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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