lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
