she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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