I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
