Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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