I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she looked like the before picture.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
