I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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