i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
