Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
