Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
