My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
