oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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