What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
