I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
