They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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