remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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