she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
