I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
