I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
