Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
