I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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