dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Randomize
