Quick, to the slutcave!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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