So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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