What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
